**crickets chirping** Uh, is this thing on?

Usually when I am not blogging, that means some sort of meltdown is nearing, taking place, or I have completely given in to hermit mode.  That is NOT the case, and I'll try to fill you guys in on the last couple of weeks.

Now that I'm looking back, it's been 3 weeks since I blogged for a weigh in.  I was at 184, had just been to the ER for stroke-like symptoms, and all that jazz.

My weigh in yesterday brought me to 181.0.  That means I have lost more than 10% of my body weight since January 1.  Folks, that is just amazing.  Simply amazing.  And I have to tell you that my Weight Watch Us group on base has been instrumental in that accomplishment - even more than that, our leader, Nicole, and my bestie, was up at 3 am on my weigh in day so excited because she just KNEW I was going to make it.  She even blogged about my accomplishment on her blog.  How awesome is that?  It is more than encouraging to have one person in your life that is a genuine FAN - Someone who loves you, supports you, defends you, kicks your butt, and does it with no expectation of reciprocation.  I am fortunate to have more than one of those people in my life, but I am so thankful that Coley and I are here together traveling different journeys, but supporting one another all the same.  It's a gift.  

Now in that initial "when can I make my goal" planning stage of this journey, I was really hoping to be at my goal by my birthday.  Well, that's just a few weeks from now, and completely unreasonable.  That's okay.  I know that whatever weight I am at that point, if I continue losing, will be the lowest weight I've been since I got married.  The most recently I've been under 180 since 2000 was for a brief few weeks in 2009, right before I dropped my basket (forgive the Ya Ya reference, but that's the closest it comes to explaining things).  

I am feeling pretty well, considering I have had a migraine for 3 weeks.  Yeah...that's right.  Those stroke-like symptoms were determined to be late-onset migraine headache symptoms.  That headache has been around since Feb 23, and is just now dwindling since starting a prednisone taper and neurontin (in addition to all the other junk I take every day).  I visited with a neurologist, and we have a treatment plan in place to prevent and treat any future headaches there might be.

It is important to me - so unbelievably important - that I am more than my illness(es).  I know so many people dealing with "stuff" heavier than mine.  My beautiful friend, Angela, is fighting a battle that is unthinkable after dealing with more "stuff" than any family deserves.  Her BFF just watched her daughter receive her forever heart and slip from this world to the next this past week after a valiant fight in a little body that just couldn't hold all of what Morgan had to offer the world.  With those people, who am I to complain about some aches and pains?  God has blessed me in so many ways to dwell on my health issues.  My responsibility on my journey right now, I believe, is to make the most of what I have where I am right now. 

I have a lot going on in the coming weeks at church and at work.  We are preparing for Easter at church, which is very exciting.  I was asked to sing at our Communion service and on Easter Sunday, which is an honor.  I had a great time going out to shop for an Easter dress.  It wasn't ALL fun - I was pretty bummed that the tailored dresses I liked I needed in a 14 for my chest and shoulders, but would have needed to be taken in for the waist to fit properly.  It's a good thing, but I'm such a dress girl (and so cheap) that it was frustrating for me.  I did find something I love, and I am super excited to have found it.  This is going to mean lots of evening rehearsals right after work, so if you don't hear from me much in the next couple weeks, please bear with me.  

I'm going to wrap this one up.  Please continue to follow Nicole and support her on her journey over at Cupcakes to Cardio.  I do respect that her journey is different than mine, and that she wanted to write on her own, but she thinks all "my" readers aren't interested in her story.  Prove her wrong.  ;)

Please share our blogs if you know someone who might benefit from them.  Please click to follow me.  Please let me know if there is something you would like to know more about - in my journey, in my life, anything.  I would be happy to write any of it out.  

And next time, don't let me get by with 3 weeks and no blogging!  

NSV alert - I tucked in my shirt today! HUGE, huge progress!

Checking in - weigh in, weighing on my mind, why always the weight!?

Yes, weigh in day was Tuesday.  If I could only add hours to my days and energy to my body, I could keep up with this blog!  Oy.

Jeanette and Me after cleaning all day!

Tuesday morning I got up EARLY to go to Nantucket for the day.  I'm the reservationist for the property out there that we use as a military Recreation House.  I only wish it was a leisure trip.  Nantucket looks like a fantastic place to hang out.  Instead, I took the 6:30 ferry over with a coworker.  We arrived to a house in FAR worse shape than expected.  We were supposed to come home on the 1:25 ferry, but had to come back on the 4:35 ferry.  I spent at least 4 hours on the kitchen alone in that house!  It was exhausting, but I made some excellent networking connections on the island and we got so much accomplished at the house.

Oh, yeah, and I weighed before I went.  I can't even tell you how shocked I was to see 186.5 on the scale.

Yeah, you read it.  186.5!  That's 4 lbs lost last week!

WW gave me the warning that I was losing too fast.  After only a .5 loss the previous week, I think some things with my body were just balancing out.  I used my points, I used flex points, and I wasn't in any physical shape to work out.  Please know that I am working the program.  I am counting points and doing what I need to do to make sure I am healthy.

I sang at church on Sunday - I even got to lead a song, which was amazing.  I cannot tell you how my heart swells when I stand up there as a "lead worshiper" not a worship leader, and see the congregation pouring their hearts out to their Lord.  It is amazing.  I know I keep using that word, but there really aren't words to describe how full my heart feels.  Unfortunately, my body was not feeling as whole as my spirit.  I was in a lot of pain on Sunday.  Our trumpeter in the band had to help me off the stage between services.  My hips and legs were not cooperating at all.  It is so alarming for the people around me who don't see that side of me.  You can't tell by looking at me that my body is ill.  That's been something that only in the past year with the help of my rheumatologist that I have had to confront myself.  Sometimes I can't do the 5 mile hike I want to do.  I can't.  When he told me that, it crushed me, but it also validated the pain that I do feel physically.

Okay, let's move on to some happy just for a few minutes.

1)  I went to Charming Charlie to reward myself for working so hard.  I'm 40% of the way to my goal as of Tuesday.  WOW!  Okay, so I was going to spend $40 on myself.  I did end up rewarding myself by the end of the day, but I got out of CC only spending $25.  With that I ended up with 3 necklaces, 2 pairs of earrings, and 2 sets of necklace & earrings.  Clearance was $5 for 5 items!  WHAAA?

I also picked up a graphic tee at Old Navy and a super sweet dress in --- wait for it --- a size M!

2)  I picked up a size 10 pair of pants off the rack at the exchange on Valentine's day and bought them without trying them on.  They fit.  Awesomeness!

3) I went to Target with Coley last night.  I picked up a super adorable dress on clearance for $15 - another M!  It's a beautiful aubergine color.  I can't wait to wear it.  It is just lovely. I also got a pair of jeans that I'd seen a few weeks ago.  I had pointed them out to my husband, who had a horrible case of foot-in-mouth that day and said, "oh, you'll get there."  Yeah, well I AM there!

I put the jeans on this morning and my older son said I looked like a model.  He said, "Mom, how did you get the perfect shape?  For your body?"  It's nice when the kids are noticing that my body looks different!

Okay, so here's my weighing on my mind thing:  I'm doing Weight Watchers, and I weigh in each week, but I work toward making sure my focus is not the number.  Seeing my body look different in my clothes - not being able to wear lots of my clothes - all the NSV's that I experience are more important than what the numbers are on the scale.  I'm also not going to discredit the scale's impact on my overall health.  It is important to know where I stand.  I am still technically obese based on my BMI.  I'm very close to the overweight/obese line, and I am excited to break that barrier soon.  I am happy to be taking steps toward my overall health.  It is SO much more than the number.

I am so much more than the number.  So much more.

I am a child of God.  I am blessed with 2 handsome, lively boys who get to experience what love is in our home.  I am blessed with a husband who I have known since I was 12 years old.  (I remember writing I <3 Stewart in notebooks in Jr. High when he didn't even know I existed - and I didn't know how to spell his name.  LOL)  I am blessed with a journey that has taken me through all kinds of peaks and valleys.  As I was reminded this morning, those valleys, those avalanche-like tumbles from peaks to a valley that seemed like it wouldn't end, are places that God has taken me to become the person I am today.

I won't lie.  I'm struggling to embrace the happiness.  I am struggling to be okay with letting myself be proud of myself.  I am waiting for the shoe to drop and crush me to a million pieces.  I'm afraid.

Instead of embracing the fear, I am going to embrace who I am.

I am a daughter, sister, niece, cousin, granddaughter, aunt, mother, friend, wife, vocalist, desk clerk/manager, volunteer, blogger, amateur web designer, marketing director, WORK IN PROGRESS.

I am a child of God.  I am loved.  I am protected.

I am on a journey.

Trading One Charlie For Another

Nicole and I are going to give a joint blog a try - forgive us in advance if it gets a little silly - that's just who we are!

Amber:  So last week we desperately needed to get out.  We did TGI Fridays, and then I wanted to go to Ulta to grab some makeup.  Can you believe Nicole had never been to Ulta before?  It's cosmetics heaven!  As we drove in the parking lot, I saw it:

It looked like one of those cute boutique stores that I could never afford to shop in, much less take my children inside!  Through the windows I could see the sparkling baubles and copious accessories.  I had no idea what the reality was, though.  

Nicole: Awwww.  Doesn't Amber look so adorable standing in front of the store with her goodie bag?  Yes, it is true.  Not only had I never been to Ulta, I had never even heard of such a place before.  It was so overwhelming.  I had so much to take in.  I was pretty quiet and reserved while in that store.  I guess I was saving my energy for what was awaiting me next store!  

I think I would like to refer to it as the Land of Oz.  I had never in my life seen such a beautiful place.  Accessories galore; purses, necklaces, hats, scarves, sunglasses, earrings, and so much more!  To make this experience even more exciting was the fact that the store is organized.....wait for it...........................

BY COLORS!!!!!!!!!  Look closely in the picture of Amber.  The front of the store is purple and then behind her you can see pinks and oranges.  LOVE IT!  Then in the picture below of Amber and me, you can see the blueish green colors over my shoulder.  Talk about an OCD person's dream store!!!!  I literally ran around like a crazy person!  

Amber:  And yes, she is using the word literally in its appropriate form.  The sales clerk saw me looking for Nicole at one point.  I was distracted by the browns and amber tones and we had gotten separated.  The clerk looked at me and she said, "Your friend is over there, and I think she just had an anxiety attack."  Seriously - how fun was this place?!  My handsome hubby had night watch that evening so we were very restricted on time.  I went t the back of the store and the clearance section was buy one, get one free.  Are you kidding me?!  I hit those racks like my life depended on it.  Honestly, in some ways it may have, but we won't go into my emotional stability or lack thereof right now.

I checked out and was added to the mailing list.  I found new treasures as I was leaving.  Nicole had purchased her super cute hat in the store, and told me that I really needed to start considering my rewards system (which I still haven't completely nailed down).  I was thinking it over as we walked to the front of the store.  I pushed the entwined CC door handle and had a moment.

an a-ha!! moment.

"Coley!  We are trading one Charlie for another!"