Monday, June 4, 2012

June 4 - almost another month

Almost a month has gone by and I've not updated.  I have not been counting points.  I have not been weighing in.  I really don't even want to know what the number is, but I will face that tomorrow.  I want to catch up a little bit and then I want to just mark a new, fresh starting point.

I have not been back to work since my health problems started back up in a huge way at the end of April. After much prayer and listening to my doctors' advice and concerns, I am home focusing on my health.  Well, allegedly.  I've really been at home wallowing.

I guess that's not the whole truth, either.  I have had good things going on.  I am blessed every single day - we all are, whether we take the time to appreciate it or not.  My husband and I have had opportunities to walk the beach and spend time with each other in the mornings while the kids are at school.  We've had a couple of breakfast dates at little fun places on the Cape.  We've spent a lot of time talking and holding hands.  He and I hadn't had many opportunities for a date or for just spending time together, so God making me be still has had a very good benefit to my marriage.  Imagine that.  ;)

I was blessed with the ability to go back to the worship team and spend time praising God with some amazing people.  The best part of the group is that we have genuine camaraderie.  I know without a doubt that I have a group of 10 or so people that I can text with a prayer request, and they will stop that second and pray for me, and then keep praying until I've given them an update.  They will send me a song to listen to, a scripture to reference, and a piece of hope and encouragement that will make my heart smile.  They are men and women that have given their gift back to the Lord, and we are growing as a team, and it makes me SO happy.  It is a gift to have this group in my life.

My health isn't great, but I'm better than I was a month ago.  I ended up with injections in the back of my head to make the migraine go away.  It took a little while, but it worked.  Then, at the end of May, I started with the aura symptoms again.  My vision was blurry, my tongue had random swelling, my left side was tingling.  I am going to be very honest and say that I was angry with God that day.  I was angry with myself that day.  I am, and have been, frustrated that I am completely out of control in every aspect of my life lately.  It is frustrating to not be able to do the job that I loved anymore. It is frustrating also to not be able to do the "job" that I have at home - keeping up with the laundry, cooking meals, keeping a house - because I am still physically limited.  It is frustrating to have gotten so out of control with my health and not know what the next day will bring.

I called my dad in tears on Tuesday after my last set of migraine symptoms came back.  He, as Daddies are wont to do, asked lots of questions.  He offered wisdom.  He let me cry.  He also kicked me in the butt a little (which I knew would happen, otherwise I wouldn't have called him).  He reminded me that me not being in control is what is SUPPOSED to be going on.  How can I claim to be a follower of Christ and have so much faith in God and His plan when I'm grasping in thin air at the control I should have relinquished ages ago?  The control we, as humans, fight so hard to hang onto.

Here is where I am going from here:

I am starting an online study over with  Melissa Taylor.  The book we are studying can be downloaded on Kindle, and if you want to travel down the path of organizing in your life, I'd love to have you join me.

I, with my friend Nicole, am participating in a challenge for the month of June over at Shrinking Jeans. She and I are team Moms2Boys.

This morning, I made good choices for breakfast and tracked in my Weight Watchers tracker.  I had egg whites scrambled with zucchini and mushrooms, and an English muffin with a smidge of raspberry preserves.  Delish!

I will own whatever the scale says tomorrow morning and renew my weight loss and health journey.

I believe that God has a plan for me.  I know it is my job to listen and be faithful - not only on the days that it is easy, the sun is shining, and my body feels good.  It is my job to listen and be faithful EVERY day.  In the valleys and on the mountain tops, in the sunshine and the rain, when the kids cooperate and when they are little turkeys.  God never promised us it'd be easy.  He promised us He'd be beside us every step of the way, though.  He loves us.  That's it.

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