Checking in, and a visit w the doc, and a Pins-day pic

Weigh in this week is 185.5.  I'm in shock.  Really.  The consistent loss is making me feel really good.  I hope I can keep up the momentum.

I went to the doc today for an issue (after being urged by Nicole yesterday) and she and I were talking about my overall health.  She noticed my progress right away and commented that I had lost weight since I saw her last.  I asked her to flip back in my chart and tell me what my highest weight was when I moved here.  You're not going to believe this.

I weighed 221...

...within the past 2 years.

Two hundred twenty one pounds.  That is just astounding to me.  Thinking back, I can't imagine how it must have felt on my body to carry that around!  I weigh 35.5 lbs less than that right now.  I'm trying to make some big profound connection or something, but I just keep coming back to, "Crap.  That's really significant."

Profound, right?

I am proud of my progress.  I honestly don't see that much in the mirror.  There are some mornings where I'm still afraid I'm going to step on the scale and see numbers over 200 again.  That's just an unhealthy thought process, but I'd be putting on a facade if I didn't own up to that.

These pictures are from Fall 2010.  Looking at them now, I can't believe that is me.  I really can't.  (Oh, and I was in 40's dress for the first one - I don't wear little hats like that generally...)  

My rambling is going to stop here for a bit.  I'm just going to ask for prayers.  I'm having some neurological symptoms that are causing concern.  I am waiting for insurance approval and scheduling of a CT of my head.  I'm having some "episodes" where it feels like my brain shorts out for a minute.  My eyes lose focus, and it's like a couple seconds, but I'm not passing out.  It is very hard to explain.  My physician doesn't think I need to worry about stroke or anything, but she can't explain what the symptoms are from, so testing is underway.  In the same vein, I am much more fatigued than normal right now, and I'm sure that has something to do with stress, something to do with fibromyalgia, and who knows what else.  LOL.  I try not to be a complainer - Nicole catches the brunt of it when I DO, though, and I am so thankful for her being here for me.  My husband and children are fantastic at letting me get to bed early when needed.  I just hate needing it, you know?

So here's my mantra for right now.  I have to learn to love myself, and really build self confidence.  Seeing these pictures and comparing them to changes I see in myself is a good start.  Here's a picture I added to my Pinterest recently:

I'm not sure which magazine it is from or who said it, but I like it.  I'm not able to strengthen myself physically very much right now, so I can work on some emotional muscle in the meantime.

Thanks for prayers, support, and love.  Mostly love.

~ Weigh In Day/ Week In Review ~

This week I tried a new exercise regimen.  I ordered Rockin' Body about 2 weeks ago and started it this past Monday.  I don't think I have sweat this much since high school basketball!  The nice thing about it is I was also enjoying myself.  Dancing while working out....AWESOME!  Shaun T is so fun to work out with.  I have heard some people don't enjoy him, but he makes me giggle!  He says a lot of things that I am usually thinking too.  


The workout package comes with a weekly calendar of sorts that tells you want to do and when.  I like that.  I like that it is telling me what workouts to do to burn the most fat. I was able to complete Monday and Tuesdays workout.  Wednesday I started the workout and had to stop 5 minutes in.  My back was killing me.  I ended up having to take a break that day and just go for a walk.  It seems I am not as in shape as I was in high school either, which is funny to even be saying/writing!  Thursday and Friday I did the workouts and Saturday I did my 5k route, which ended up being 5 miles because I programed my stupid Nike Active+ wrong.  Oops!  


I am thinking I am going to try as best I can to do the workouts, but also continue wogging. I did not see as big of a weight loss as I had hoped for this week.  I thought I was working harder than my previous week.  I know I was sweating a lot more.  I felt a lot more muscles that I had not been working too.


However, my weight loss was (only) 1.5 pounds this week.  I know.  I know.  I should smile and take it.  Weight Watchers recommends losing 1-2 pounds per week in order to keep the weight off.  It is great.  Truly.  But like I mentioned in the previous paragraph, I was exercising a lot harder than just wogging for 3 point some miles everyday. 


Well, anyway, I am going to add both into my week and see how that goes.  I really do like the DVDs and I can totally feel a difference in my midsection, which is where I need most of all my work to happen!  The most important thing is that I am still losing, still on plan, and still enjoying my new life!


Down 1.5 this week.   I have now lost 17.5 pounds on Weight Watchers.  Only 7.5 pounds until 25.  Closer every week!  

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......I have a secret little goal in my head of getting there before my Mom gets into town....March 17th.  It is just under a month at 4 weeks away.  Eekkkkkkk  There I go again, doing math!  I shouldn't have done that because now I realize that is going to be 2 pounds a week to get there!  Well, it is a goal.

Checking in - weigh in, weighing on my mind, why always the weight!?

Yes, weigh in day was Tuesday.  If I could only add hours to my days and energy to my body, I could keep up with this blog!  Oy.

Jeanette and Me after cleaning all day!

Tuesday morning I got up EARLY to go to Nantucket for the day.  I'm the reservationist for the property out there that we use as a military Recreation House.  I only wish it was a leisure trip.  Nantucket looks like a fantastic place to hang out.  Instead, I took the 6:30 ferry over with a coworker.  We arrived to a house in FAR worse shape than expected.  We were supposed to come home on the 1:25 ferry, but had to come back on the 4:35 ferry.  I spent at least 4 hours on the kitchen alone in that house!  It was exhausting, but I made some excellent networking connections on the island and we got so much accomplished at the house.

Oh, yeah, and I weighed before I went.  I can't even tell you how shocked I was to see 186.5 on the scale.

Yeah, you read it.  186.5!  That's 4 lbs lost last week!

WW gave me the warning that I was losing too fast.  After only a .5 loss the previous week, I think some things with my body were just balancing out.  I used my points, I used flex points, and I wasn't in any physical shape to work out.  Please know that I am working the program.  I am counting points and doing what I need to do to make sure I am healthy.

I sang at church on Sunday - I even got to lead a song, which was amazing.  I cannot tell you how my heart swells when I stand up there as a "lead worshiper" not a worship leader, and see the congregation pouring their hearts out to their Lord.  It is amazing.  I know I keep using that word, but there really aren't words to describe how full my heart feels.  Unfortunately, my body was not feeling as whole as my spirit.  I was in a lot of pain on Sunday.  Our trumpeter in the band had to help me off the stage between services.  My hips and legs were not cooperating at all.  It is so alarming for the people around me who don't see that side of me.  You can't tell by looking at me that my body is ill.  That's been something that only in the past year with the help of my rheumatologist that I have had to confront myself.  Sometimes I can't do the 5 mile hike I want to do.  I can't.  When he told me that, it crushed me, but it also validated the pain that I do feel physically.

Okay, let's move on to some happy just for a few minutes.

1)  I went to Charming Charlie to reward myself for working so hard.  I'm 40% of the way to my goal as of Tuesday.  WOW!  Okay, so I was going to spend $40 on myself.  I did end up rewarding myself by the end of the day, but I got out of CC only spending $25.  With that I ended up with 3 necklaces, 2 pairs of earrings, and 2 sets of necklace & earrings.  Clearance was $5 for 5 items!  WHAAA?

I also picked up a graphic tee at Old Navy and a super sweet dress in --- wait for it --- a size M!

2)  I picked up a size 10 pair of pants off the rack at the exchange on Valentine's day and bought them without trying them on.  They fit.  Awesomeness!

3) I went to Target with Coley last night.  I picked up a super adorable dress on clearance for $15 - another M!  It's a beautiful aubergine color.  I can't wait to wear it.  It is just lovely. I also got a pair of jeans that I'd seen a few weeks ago.  I had pointed them out to my husband, who had a horrible case of foot-in-mouth that day and said, "oh, you'll get there."  Yeah, well I AM there!

I put the jeans on this morning and my older son said I looked like a model.  He said, "Mom, how did you get the perfect shape?  For your body?"  It's nice when the kids are noticing that my body looks different!

Okay, so here's my weighing on my mind thing:  I'm doing Weight Watchers, and I weigh in each week, but I work toward making sure my focus is not the number.  Seeing my body look different in my clothes - not being able to wear lots of my clothes - all the NSV's that I experience are more important than what the numbers are on the scale.  I'm also not going to discredit the scale's impact on my overall health.  It is important to know where I stand.  I am still technically obese based on my BMI.  I'm very close to the overweight/obese line, and I am excited to break that barrier soon.  I am happy to be taking steps toward my overall health.  It is SO much more than the number.

I am so much more than the number.  So much more.

I am a child of God.  I am blessed with 2 handsome, lively boys who get to experience what love is in our home.  I am blessed with a husband who I have known since I was 12 years old.  (I remember writing I <3 Stewart in notebooks in Jr. High when he didn't even know I existed - and I didn't know how to spell his name.  LOL)  I am blessed with a journey that has taken me through all kinds of peaks and valleys.  As I was reminded this morning, those valleys, those avalanche-like tumbles from peaks to a valley that seemed like it wouldn't end, are places that God has taken me to become the person I am today.

I won't lie.  I'm struggling to embrace the happiness.  I am struggling to be okay with letting myself be proud of myself.  I am waiting for the shoe to drop and crush me to a million pieces.  I'm afraid.

Instead of embracing the fear, I am going to embrace who I am.

I am a daughter, sister, niece, cousin, granddaughter, aunt, mother, friend, wife, vocalist, desk clerk/manager, volunteer, blogger, amateur web designer, marketing director, WORK IN PROGRESS.

I am a child of God.  I am loved.  I am protected.

I am on a journey.

Trading One Charlie For Another

Nicole and I are going to give a joint blog a try - forgive us in advance if it gets a little silly - that's just who we are!

Amber:  So last week we desperately needed to get out.  We did TGI Fridays, and then I wanted to go to Ulta to grab some makeup.  Can you believe Nicole had never been to Ulta before?  It's cosmetics heaven!  As we drove in the parking lot, I saw it:

It looked like one of those cute boutique stores that I could never afford to shop in, much less take my children inside!  Through the windows I could see the sparkling baubles and copious accessories.  I had no idea what the reality was, though.  

Nicole: Awwww.  Doesn't Amber look so adorable standing in front of the store with her goodie bag?  Yes, it is true.  Not only had I never been to Ulta, I had never even heard of such a place before.  It was so overwhelming.  I had so much to take in.  I was pretty quiet and reserved while in that store.  I guess I was saving my energy for what was awaiting me next store!  

I think I would like to refer to it as the Land of Oz.  I had never in my life seen such a beautiful place.  Accessories galore; purses, necklaces, hats, scarves, sunglasses, earrings, and so much more!  To make this experience even more exciting was the fact that the store is organized.....wait for it...........................

BY COLORS!!!!!!!!!  Look closely in the picture of Amber.  The front of the store is purple and then behind her you can see pinks and oranges.  LOVE IT!  Then in the picture below of Amber and me, you can see the blueish green colors over my shoulder.  Talk about an OCD person's dream store!!!!  I literally ran around like a crazy person!  

Amber:  And yes, she is using the word literally in its appropriate form.  The sales clerk saw me looking for Nicole at one point.  I was distracted by the browns and amber tones and we had gotten separated.  The clerk looked at me and she said, "Your friend is over there, and I think she just had an anxiety attack."  Seriously - how fun was this place?!  My handsome hubby had night watch that evening so we were very restricted on time.  I went t the back of the store and the clearance section was buy one, get one free.  Are you kidding me?!  I hit those racks like my life depended on it.  Honestly, in some ways it may have, but we won't go into my emotional stability or lack thereof right now.

I checked out and was added to the mailing list.  I found new treasures as I was leaving.  Nicole had purchased her super cute hat in the store, and told me that I really needed to start considering my rewards system (which I still haven't completely nailed down).  I was thinking it over as we walked to the front of the store.  I pushed the entwined CC door handle and had a moment.

an a-ha!! moment.

"Coley!  We are trading one Charlie for another!"

Give Up The Guilt

Why are we constantly feeling so guilty about what we eat?  Instead of choosing that apple, maybe you chose the 3 points+ chocolate mini candy bar.  Didn't have a vegetable with dinner, but an extra helping of pasta?  Sure, all the points+ are covered with your daily or weekly allowance, but there is still that guilt built in.  Sometimes the guilt leads to more eating because the day is already ruined.  Of course that sometimes can lead to the week being ruined and the poor choices continue on.  So, what's the big deal?

The big deal is that we should NEVER feel guilty about food.  There is no shame in eating.  Yes, eating is to fuel our body and provide energy for us to keep ourselves going, but it is also something many people find joy in.  The hard part is knowing how to get that joy.  It's time to close the freezer door and stop eating out of the ice cream container!  Why not pick out a pretty bowl, a fancy cloth napkin, and a pretty spoon.  Make having your treat beautiful.  Sit down and enjoy it.  Perhaps even turn off the TV and just let yourself take in all the flavor notes and the beauty of your food.  Eat slow and enjoy it.

I am a very big believer in the Weight Watchers Points+ Plan.  It will work if you work it.  I also believe that depriving yourself of anything will eventually lead to a binge on that food or something similar.  Plain and simple...have what you want, write it down, record your points, and continue your day.  WW is about moderation.  Ok, picking an apple over a bowl of ice cream is probably the better choice, but the truth is, we can't always make that decision.  So, let yourself live.  No guilt.  No shame.  These are your choices.  Own them.

I am promising myself this time around that I will not feel guilty about the food I am consuming.  I will try my best to make the healthiest choices, but when I don't, I will not hang my head low.  I will not give up on myself because of a cookie here or there or a larger serving than I should have had.  I am going to believe in myself.  I am going to live a life I enjoy, while taking care of myself.  I will not let food have control over who I am, what I do, where I go, or what I become.

~ Weigh In/ Week In Review ~

Look who is still losing weight!!!  ME ME ME

Not only am I losing weight, but I am feeling great.  I don't feel deprived.  I don't feel cheated out of activities because I can't be around the food.  I have more energy.  I am able to hold my head up high, because I know I am doing the most I can.  I am working the program.  Weight Watchers, as well as any other program truthfully, will work if you let it.  I am putting in the elbow grease and I am seeing results.

This week, my goal was to get in 15 miles of wog time.  I didn't get those miles in.  I got in 12.  Twelve miles that I am pretty happy with!  I stayed on plan, logged my food, enjoyed girl scout cookies in moderation, worked out when I could, and tried a few new recipes.  All in all, a pretty good week, considering.....

Considering I had emotional lows for most of the week.  I just didn't feel like me.  I was (and still kind of am) dealing with a lot of stress with the things going on with the boys.  It took me some time, but I have decided to not let it get me upset.  I am on this journey for those two sweet little blessings.  I look at them and know they believe in me like I believe in them.  By Thursday I was feeling like Wonder Mommy again.  

This week I lost 2 pounds.  I have now lost 16 pounds.  16 pounds in 6 weeks.  Those are beautiful numbers!  I was just commenting to hubby how I cannot believe it has been 6 weeks.  The time has gone by so fast.  It is so exciting to be achieving goals that I have set for myself.  

9 more pounds and I am down 25 pounds and have lost 10% of my original body weight.  

Weight Loss Rewards (Update)

Progress is being made in my neck of the woods and I needed to take a few seconds to update myRewards List.

At 5 pounds, I did download 5 new songs from iTunes.  I made sure to get ones that were useful in my workout.  No ballads for this girl!  I need all the help I can get to keep myself going at a decent pace!

At 10 pounds, I was supposed to add The Hunger Games triology to my Kindle.  Well, I got side tracked one evening on a trip to Charming Charlie with Ber.  No big deal at all!  I just traded my book for a fancy new hat!  Don't you just love it!!!!!????!!!!!

Today, I am at my 15 pound goal.  I have been waiting for this one!  Finally, I can order my iPod Nano Watch!  Originally, I was going with pink, but the more I have been looking at them, the more I am drawn to the blue!  So, I have put my order in for the Blue iPod Nano Watch!

The 20 pound reward will remain the same.  I cannot wait to get my Mommy Charm!

My 25 pound weight loss reward (and 10% of body weight gone) is going to have to change because I was so graciously awarded a FREE 1 Year Subscription to the magazine!    I have been thinking long and hard about this one and have come up with nothing!  Suggestions are welcomed!  

The 30 pound reward will remain the same as well.  I love my Willow Tree Figurines!

Once I hit my 10%, I will add more rewards.  Until then, I have some time to think, plan, and window shop.