As I stand here in my kitchen...

I realized, after commenting on Nicole's latest post, that I haven't posted lately.  My life has been WICKED busy, and I'm trying hard not to fall off the wagon that I've been trying so hard to hang on to.  They really should make seat belts for these things.

I saw my doctor this week as a followup to her changing my meds.  It was a good visit.  My blood pressure is under control, and my fibromyalgia has been manageable.  She told me that as long as I'm having more good days than bad, I'm doing well.  I'm trying to give myself permission to hurt, which is hard, because it means that I'm actually realizing that my body isn't ever going to feel perfect.  My "normal" is to feel like a 65 year old (or older) person, with aches, pains, fatigue, and I'm not going to feel like a healthy 30-year-old woman most days.

Another thing that she pointed out was that I have been steadily losing over the past few months.  According to my chart, I've lost about 10 pounds.  It doesn't sound fantastic, and it's not, but it is better than gaining.  She reminded me that losing gradually is the way to keep it off, and that I'm probably better off this way.  I was told to stay patient, keep taking care of myself, and I will surely see results soon enough.  (Soon enough for her, maybe.  **snicker**)

Here's an interesting tidbit.  I have a family member who has had weight loss surgery, and has been REALLY sick after losing 100 lbs in a year.  The doctors told this family member that the reason he's been so sick is because his fat was helping him filter some things.  Also, his cholesterol is higher than it's been in years because his fatty liver is dumping all of the fat stores directly into his blood stream.  He had joked with me that he was better off fat - and while not exactly true, his rapid weight loss has greatly affected his current state of ill health.

I guess I'm using this blog to convince myself that it's okay, I'm okay, and doing it slowly is the right way.

**nod**

Weigh In #2

Trying to stay positive is going to be difficult this week. Trying to stay on plan while enjoying holiday get togethers is also going to be difficult this week. Difficult, because when I went in to weigh today I did NOT like what I heard!

I stepped on the scale...excited! I had a pretty good week as far as counting points, writing down food, and then exercising 3 times to the point of exhaustion. This was going to be a good week! I held my head high...waiting for the nice lady reading the scale to report "2 pounds lost this week," to me. She didn't report that though. Instead I heard, "Yeah! You stayed exactly the same!"

To which I quickly replied, "That's isn't good news. I worked hard this week." She explained to me that "I had a great loss last week. You wont believe me, anyway, but you are doing well." Ugh. How frustrating.

So, I didn't stay for the meeting. In fact, I was pretty close to tears. I don't know why, but it hurt to hear I stayed the same. I DID work hard (harder than last week). Why was the scale being so mean to me? Last week I could barely function I was so sick and had so much going on. Ugh. I know I said that already, but really.....UGH!

While I was driving the long road home, I tried to focus on the positive. I won't lie though. This was a low blow. I will keep trucking on. I will work my tail off for a good week next weigh in.....

But I am feeling blah.

Meeting #1

Wednesday, Dec. 8, 2010 was my first meeting (again).

I was so nervous on my way to the meeting. I knew I had worked hard this past week. I had written down everything I put in my mouth and even managed to do my elliptical once and get a 2 mile walk in. My nervousness came from being on 2 different meds for bronchitis, not being able to really exercise because of that, having my monthly visitor just ending, and then I started new fertility meds. Oh my goodness....I also had a birthday in there! So as you can see, I had a few good reasons to be a little worried.

I arrived right on time. There are always lots of people here I notice, but I think it may be because of the new program that WW just put out. People are still learning the new stuff and are a bit taken aback by it. (more on that later) I go right up to my little helper who asks me if I have my card. Ummmmm....huh? Apparently I was supposed to stop at the bar and pick it up. (Yes, my meetings are in a restaurant. Yes, I agree that is strange.) No problem though, she was going to run back and grab it for me. So nice!

Well, I get my weigh on and it seems through all of the "stuff" I have going on, I was able to drop 4.4 pounds. 4.4 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU SEE THAT??????

I earned a Bravo sticker for losing my first week on plan and then I ended up earning another Bravo sticker for sharing something I learned during the week. Something I love about the new WW plan is that on pg. 60 of the Getting Started Manual there is a chart that helps you map out your points for the day. If you are eating 29 points, it tells you how many points to eat for Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Snack #1, and Snack #2. I was eating 39 points. So for Breakfast I have 7 points, Lunch 10 points, Dinner 15 points. Snack #1 3 points, and Snack #2 4 points. I love that it provides an outline.

I am really enjoying Points Plus so far. WW has revamped a lot of its old stuff and I think it is easier to follow and teaching me how to actually eat, not just telling me I can have X points for the day. I am eating healthier, smarter, and feeling better! I have a long journey yet, but I am taking it one bite at a time!

~ Cole

Time to Count My Blessings

Days go by so quickly. Too quickly. Sometimes it is so easy to get into a rut. Even easier to feel blue and down about where you are, what you don't have, what you have lost, and/or what is missing.

Today, though, I decided to Count My Blessings. Honestly, I just woke up like this! I woke up and looked around and said, "Today feels like a good day."

Last year, I heard an amazing speaker share a story about her day. She began by telling us her alarm didn't go off at the right time, she had to squeeze the last drop out of her toothpaste, her gas light came on in her car, and then she spilled her coffee on her clothes.

Instead of taking her day as a loss and believing that it was the worst day ever, she turned it all around. She made her thoughts positive. Her alarm didn't go off, but she is blessed because she woke up. Last drop of toothpaste...she is blessed to have teeth to brush! No gas in the car...blessed to have a car and the money to put the gas in it. Coffee on her clothes...clothes to change into are a blessing as well!

I am not perfect and never claim to be, but I am going to make myself try oh so very hard to look at each "blah" as a blessing in disguise.

Today, I count My Blessings and I share them with you...

My Blessings (in no particular order)

*My Husband

*My Family

*My Homes (ugh I have one in FL too, but I am trying to stay positive here)

*Sparks the Wonder Kitty

*My Health

*My Husband's Health

*Having a part-time job

*Florida Friends

*Massachusetts Friends

*Closeness with my Elementary/High School Best Friend

*Warm Socks

*Coffee

*Nieces and Nephews

*My pillow

*Sunny skies

*Hugs from the little ones I work with

*Internet

*DVR

*Coastie Chicks

*USCG

*Cupcakes

*Butterflies

*Having food on the table

*Having a car to drive

*Full head of hair

I know I can go on and on. Isn't that beautiful. I can go on and on about My Blessings! Take a minute. Think about your blessings. I promise, you'll have more than you will ever know what to do with!!!

"Do or do not, there is no try." ~Yoda

Okay, in my house, Star Wars and the Jedi are a big deal.  Though the title of this entry is tongue-in-cheek, it's the truth.  I either need to do it, or I'm not doing it.  Pretending to try isn't enough.  Here's a quote I took from a friend's Facebook this morning that really sums it up for me:
We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.

Wow, so you'd think I would learn, wouldn't you?  I'm involved in 2 challenges right now, and if I was truly motivated and trying, I would be ROCKING THEM!  I don't know exactly what's going on, but I know that I need to fix it.  

I'm struggling with discipline in a lot of areas of my life.  Not in a rebellious teenager way, but in self-discipline.  I'm behind on housework.  I know my Nanny would tell me, "if you just do a little every day..." and it's true!  But somehow I can't find the motivation inside to just DO IT.  In my head, I'm thinking of all these little justifications, but they're excuses.  I'm doing a good job drinking water.  I'm not exercising like I need to, though.  My husband and I aren't connecting like we need to, which means the couples challenge is going to be hard to dominate.  

Stuart and I are generally VERY competitive, but right now we're trapped under the rubble of regret.  The good news is that, while it feels like TONS of weight on top of us, just a few ounces of discipline can make all the difference.  This week is the week for that to happen.