Life. Just life.

I've not written in a while.  I'm sad about it, but I'm going to do my best to catch up.  There is no weigh in involved today - and maybe not for a couple of weeks.  I'm going to go back toward my birthday and try to recap the past few weeks.  

The weekend before my birthday, the handsome hubby and I got to get away.  It was magical and beautiful, and only overnight, but SO needed.  We escaped to a B&B near Mystic, CT.  We had one of the nicest suites there - it had a huge whirlpool tub and towel warmers, a fireplace, and the grounds were beautiful.  The staff there was gracious and helpful, and we would love to go back and make a tradition of staying there.  So if you're in New England, Stonecroft is a beautiful place to get away for a weekend.  A kind of TMI NSV involved here, but actually utilizing a two person whirlpool tub as TWO persons and not one big ol' person is quite gratifying.  It brought me to tears, honestly.  I was able to wear a sweet little dress that I picked up on clearance at Old Navy for $15, but I felt like a million bucks.  It was magical to reconnect with my husband.  The two of us have been working so much and passing like ships in the night - barely having time to see each other, much less celebrate being married to each other.  We held hands, visited the Mystic Aquarium, laughed, and actually looked into one another's faces.  Seriously, a fantastic time.  

Right before we left for Mystic, we received an invitation to a luncheon honoring the Coast Guard Spouse of the Year and an awards ceremony for Military Spouse of the Year in Washington, D.C. coming up in May.  We immediately phoned in our RSVP.  I felt so honored to be invited to celebrate my dear friend, Jennifer, and so thankful that she included me in one of the projects that led her to receiving this designation.  After discussion, we decided to make a family trip of it, and take the kids to Washington, D.C. with us and visit the National Zoo and other landmarks together.  What an opportunity!


We came back and were struck in the face with reality.  Back to work, back to kids' school projects, back to life.  Just life.  But here's where I want to put my focus today, and it's a place I've visited before: at what point are we living life, celebrating life, enjoying and being grateful for life, and at which point are we merely existing?  Existing is easy.  You breathe in and out.  You travel the paths in your day to day life.  Wake up, coffee, shower (if you're lucky), kids ready for school, work all day, homework with kids, laundry, dinner, bedtime prayers, sleep.  Then the next day you do it all over again.  Throw in some after school activities or something, and where is the LIFE?  It's just running back and forth and all over.  Please don't misunderstand me.  I'm not condemning anyone who is able to celebrate and embrace life with all the busyness I'm talking about.  On the contrary, I admire that ability.  My physical limitations, however, really hinder the LIVING part there.


I went back to work, plugging through.  I managed over the past few months to furnish 5 new townhomes on the base for rental this summer.  Our team at work had been working very hard to make up for a construction project - I'm not going to get into all of it, but there's been a lot going on.  My body has been very tired, but I have been working so hard, and we have been receiving praise for the work our team has done.  


I might mention, by the way, that looking to God for guidance has not been at the top of my list.  I have been so busy - He wouldn't be providing all this STUFF if He didn't want me to do it, right?  Did I ever stop to ask, or stop to listen?  NO.  Not at all.  I haven't used my prayer journal in months, or stopped in prayer and sought guidance.  Ladies' Retreat?  Absolutely!  God wants me to do that, right?  Bigger workload at the office?  Sure!  I've got it!  Figuring out childcare for different events, knowing that my husband's career in the CG hampers that - I mean, really...it's not like he can call in because I don't have a sitter, right?!  I have been going like a whirlwind - paying no mind to what I am picking up and what I am passing by.


Two weeks ago, a hiccup happened.  I was singing at church that morning with the Worship Team.  I had a Leaders' meeting after church for the upcoming Womens' Retreat.  My older son woke up having a meltdown and exhibiting signs that he was having a hard day.  Knowing that I had that obligation after church - the meeting - and knowing that the kids would have to be with me...and then knowing that the next day was back to school from Spring Break... All of this KNOWING, all of this self-imposed pressure, all of this ME.  I said a prayer that morning, and spoke with the lady in charge, and told her that I needed to be a Mom that day.  The relief of praying about it and seeking what God had for me was huge.  The weight of knowing that I possibly was disappointing, inconveniencing, and likely annoying a group of women was significant, but hearing God say, "I love you.  Be a Mom.  It's okay," was enough comfort.  There were waves of relief.  Women I love and trust that God has placed in my life reassured me, as well, and offered prayers for me.


I did relax that afternoon at home with my boys.  I was a Mom.  It had been a long time, and it was SO nice to enjoy my boys.  I sure am a lucky lady to have these sweet dudes here.


The next day, I got the numbness in my face that signaled a migraine was coming.  That was the day before I posted that I met my 25 lbs lost milestone.  That Tuesday, I ended up at the neurologist.  Whether anyone will actually read up on Hemiplegic Migraines, I don't know, but here is a highlight from Web MD:

Migraines are unpredictable and unique to each person. You may have a hemiplegic migraine headache with extreme pain and minor paralysis one month. Then the next attack might bring extreme paralysis without much headache pain at all.

Symptoms of hemiplegic migraine include:

• Severe, throbbing pain, often on one side of your head
• A pins-and-needles feeling, often moving from your hand up your arm
• Numbness on one side of your body, which can include your arm, leg, and/or one side of your face
• Weakness or paralysis on one side of your body
• Loss of balance and coordination
• Visual aura, such as seeing zigzag lines, double vision, or blind spots
• Language difficulties, such as mixing words or trouble remembering a word
• Slurred speech
• Dizziness or vertigo
• Nausea and vomiting
• Extreme sensitivity to light, sound, and smell
• Confusion
• Decreased consciousness or coma

The only symptoms I did not experience are vomiting and coma.  The migraine completely weakened the left side of my body.  I could not see clearly.  I couldn't make out facial features.  I certainly couldn't drive. I visited the neurologist, who reassured me that this is "normal" for this kind of migraine, and that I just needed to be patient while we figure out which medicines will work for me.  Thursday came that week, and I was still home.  Things had not gotten better.  Friday came, and I was in significant pain.  Honestly a 10 on the pain scale pain.  The neurologist sent me to the ER for pain management in hopes that the migraine would go away.  I rode in the car with a ball cap, sunglasses, a coat over my face, and stumbled into the hospital.  I ended up being admitted for a few days, while they treated my new "normal."  I had an MRI, a CT scan, a Reiki practitioner visited, and lots and lots and LOTS of medicine.    


I left the hospital on Monday, with my headache still here.  Today is Sunday, nearly a week later, and my headache is still here.  I have marked weakness remaining on my left side.  I have tingling and numbness.  I have gobs of pills that I am ingesting in hopes that something will work in my body to stop the symptoms and provide maintenance and control in the future.  In all of that, you know what I realized?  I haven't been listening.  God knocked me on my butt and made me be still.  Not on my own accord, because truly I hadn't been still in months.


Know what the theme of the ladies' retreat was?  Guess.


Be still.  


"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10.  You reckon He wanted me there?  You think all of this is a coincidence?  I know God is working in my life.  God is making changes in my life that I was not prepared to make on my own.  God is placing people in my life right now that have been prayer warriors for me - people I hardly know.  But you know what?  He's got it.  God is in control.  I have no doubt there.


So my plans for D.C. are foiled.  I am so sad that I will not be there to celebrate Jen, but I know she understands and longs for me to be healthy.  I have not driven myself anywhere in almost 2 weeks now.  We have had lovely friends prepare meals for us, and I have had friends babysitting me and chauffeuring me to the doctor when my handsome hubby has not been available.  God has rendered me weak and vulnerable, and I am a captive audience.  I am listening.  I am looking.  I am searching.  


Why weight?  Why?  When there is life to be lived, why focus on weight?  I am focusing on my overall health.  Right now my weight has gone up a little bit - I am on a steroid, I have been lethargic and ordered to bed, and pumped full of fluids in the hospital.  I am not beating myself up about that right now.  


If my lessons I am learning help anyone, then I know it has been worth it.  If they help my family, even better.  I know God will provide for us - He always has.  I know God has a purpose for me.  He has a plan for me.  God's plan is not for me to be on my rear like this long-term.  His plan involves me being healed and helping others.  That much I know.  I just have to remember to stop and listen, and not take matters into my own hands.  


If you're still reading after all this, please be in prayer for me.  Specifically pray for discernment, for open ears, and an open heart.  We are being led to make some big decisions right now that will impact our family in many ways, and I need the confidence of knowing that it is God's decision I am making, not Amber's.  


I am being still today.  If you have not been still in a while, I urge you to on your own accord...because it's not fun when God sits you down for a "come to Jesus" meeting.  Better to sit down and be still before it gets to that point.  


My migraine persists, and I see my neurologist this coming Tuesday.  Hopefully I will have a good update at that point.

A teaser...

I have been awful about writing, though I did change the look of my blog over the weekend. This will have to tide you over until I can sit and really write about all the changes and good things that have been going on.

Thank you for still reading. <3

Checking in Friday evening

I love my tracker and that it shows that you guys were looking for a weigh in post!

Here's this week's scoop:

My weigh in this week hit a big milestone - I am no longer obese!  I have been obese for the better part of my adult life.  I had to get below 180 to qualify as "overweight."  Funny how that can make someone so happy, right?  Yee-haw!  I'm overweight!!!  Yeah, well - YEE HAW!  I'm overweight!  I know that being overweight still leads to increased risk of health problems, and I am dedicated to being the healthiest person I can be.  I know I am on the right track.  My handsome hubby asked me this morning if I expected when I started on January 1 to have seen the progress I see here - 60% of the way to my goal.  My answer was honest - "I wasn't really worried about it."  I think that's the difference this time compared to times in the past.  I am not obsessed with the number.  I do track it.  I weigh in each week, and sometimes in between my weigh in day.  I am not overly obsessed about making it to the number.  I'm still a little in disbelief about being under 180 lbs right now.  I don't feel excessively jubilant - but I do appreciate glances in the mirror when I can tell that my figure has changed dramatically.

Last week at bowling, one of my male neighbors asked if I had been losing weight.  It was really cute because he kind of apologized to my husband for noticing, which I thought was super awesome, because my husband responded with, "Yeah!  I tell her all the time how awesome she's doing."  Talk about making a girl feel special.  <3  I consider that an NSV.  Another NSV was trying on my string bean husband's jeans this morning, and proceeding to fasten them completely and comfortably.  I could have worn them to town (and might in the coming days).

After my weigh in last week, with Nicole having gotten up in the middle of the night so excited for me, I received even more support from her than I expected.  I hung out with her and her mom for her mom's birthday one evening last week and received a gift.  I got the 10% keychain!  Nicole had ordered it for me in anticipation of me reaching my goal!  How fantastic is that?  What an awesome gift.  I can't wait to have earned little charms for it.  Even though I don't attend the meetings, I have earned it, and even if I have to order the charms myself, I'll be getting them!

As a reward for my 10% goal, I got myself 2 magazine subscriptions.  I love looking at magazines, and even more now that cute clothes are more of a reality.  I ordered Self and Glamour.  I am really excited about it, and it's a nice little escape for me in this very testosterone filled house.  I need all the girly I can get!

My goals the past few weeks have not been weight loss oriented.  I have been more focused on quality time with my family.  We went twice last week to the beach to walk around and look for sea glass.  I get so centered being in nature.  It doesn't have to be the beach - I'm just as happy on a hike.  It's nice to see my boys so excited to be participating and happy.  We played charades one night before bed.  It was awesome to see how one son totally got the idea and the other had a harder time not talking.  (and for those that know my kids, it was actually C that had the harder time being quiet than L for a change!)

My week this week has been busy, but I have been receiving a lot of nice feedback at work on the job I've been doing, and I am so thankful for that.  We have had a lot going on, and it is nice to hear good things.  Church is awesome, and this week, I will be at the church 5 of 7 days for services and/or rehearsals.  What a gift to be able to share the gift and heart that God has given me for His service.  Palm Sunday is this weekend, and we'll be presenting some beautiful songs.  Communion on Wednesday evening will set the stage for the juxtaposed reverence and celebration of Easter Sunday.  Here's a teaser that one of the very talented members of the worship team made.  There are snippets of me in the video, but that's not what it's about - it's about the sacrifice, the gift, the GRACE and MERCY that God provided in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  If you're in the Cape Cod area and need a place to worship and celebrate on Easter Sunday, join us!

**crickets chirping** Uh, is this thing on?

Usually when I am not blogging, that means some sort of meltdown is nearing, taking place, or I have completely given in to hermit mode.  That is NOT the case, and I'll try to fill you guys in on the last couple of weeks.

Now that I'm looking back, it's been 3 weeks since I blogged for a weigh in.  I was at 184, had just been to the ER for stroke-like symptoms, and all that jazz.

My weigh in yesterday brought me to 181.0.  That means I have lost more than 10% of my body weight since January 1.  Folks, that is just amazing.  Simply amazing.  And I have to tell you that my Weight Watch Us group on base has been instrumental in that accomplishment - even more than that, our leader, Nicole, and my bestie, was up at 3 am on my weigh in day so excited because she just KNEW I was going to make it.  She even blogged about my accomplishment on her blog.  How awesome is that?  It is more than encouraging to have one person in your life that is a genuine FAN - Someone who loves you, supports you, defends you, kicks your butt, and does it with no expectation of reciprocation.  I am fortunate to have more than one of those people in my life, but I am so thankful that Coley and I are here together traveling different journeys, but supporting one another all the same.  It's a gift.  

Now in that initial "when can I make my goal" planning stage of this journey, I was really hoping to be at my goal by my birthday.  Well, that's just a few weeks from now, and completely unreasonable.  That's okay.  I know that whatever weight I am at that point, if I continue losing, will be the lowest weight I've been since I got married.  The most recently I've been under 180 since 2000 was for a brief few weeks in 2009, right before I dropped my basket (forgive the Ya Ya reference, but that's the closest it comes to explaining things).  

I am feeling pretty well, considering I have had a migraine for 3 weeks.  Yeah...that's right.  Those stroke-like symptoms were determined to be late-onset migraine headache symptoms.  That headache has been around since Feb 23, and is just now dwindling since starting a prednisone taper and neurontin (in addition to all the other junk I take every day).  I visited with a neurologist, and we have a treatment plan in place to prevent and treat any future headaches there might be.

It is important to me - so unbelievably important - that I am more than my illness(es).  I know so many people dealing with "stuff" heavier than mine.  My beautiful friend, Angela, is fighting a battle that is unthinkable after dealing with more "stuff" than any family deserves.  Her BFF just watched her daughter receive her forever heart and slip from this world to the next this past week after a valiant fight in a little body that just couldn't hold all of what Morgan had to offer the world.  With those people, who am I to complain about some aches and pains?  God has blessed me in so many ways to dwell on my health issues.  My responsibility on my journey right now, I believe, is to make the most of what I have where I am right now. 

I have a lot going on in the coming weeks at church and at work.  We are preparing for Easter at church, which is very exciting.  I was asked to sing at our Communion service and on Easter Sunday, which is an honor.  I had a great time going out to shop for an Easter dress.  It wasn't ALL fun - I was pretty bummed that the tailored dresses I liked I needed in a 14 for my chest and shoulders, but would have needed to be taken in for the waist to fit properly.  It's a good thing, but I'm such a dress girl (and so cheap) that it was frustrating for me.  I did find something I love, and I am super excited to have found it.  This is going to mean lots of evening rehearsals right after work, so if you don't hear from me much in the next couple weeks, please bear with me.  

I'm going to wrap this one up.  Please continue to follow Nicole and support her on her journey over at Cupcakes to Cardio.  I do respect that her journey is different than mine, and that she wanted to write on her own, but she thinks all "my" readers aren't interested in her story.  Prove her wrong.  ;)

Please share our blogs if you know someone who might benefit from them.  Please click to follow me.  Please let me know if there is something you would like to know more about - in my journey, in my life, anything.  I would be happy to write any of it out.  

And next time, don't let me get by with 3 weeks and no blogging!  

NSV alert - I tucked in my shirt today! HUGE, huge progress!

Including veggies is easy!

Why is it that we have such a hard time including vegetables in our daily diet when it is so easy to bulk our meals up with them!?

Some of my favorite ways lately are:

1) A large salad or pile of fresh or steamed veggies to fill at least half the plate. We were having spaghetti this particular evening and I knew i didn't want to use too many points on the pasta. It was very filling to crunch on some broccoli and cauliflower - and good for me, too!

2) Lettuce leaves in place of bread is a fantastic way to incorporate green leafy veggies and save some points. For lunch a few days ago I had some leftover turkey burger patties and I wanted an alternative to bread. I put a little spicy mustard and the turkey in green leaf lettuce and rolled it up. It was so tasty!

3) The easiest incorporating plan for veggies is also my favorite. I heat them through in the pan and then add an egg white. Essentially I have a little scrambled egg with my veggies. I love zucchini, spinach, mushrooms, peppers, onions, tomatoes... Just so many yummy choices! It is a super fast breakfast (or dinner) packed with easy, nutritious yumminess!  (Oh, and those aren't pancakes - it's deli thin sandwich slices with 1 tsp of syrup on top.  YUM!)

My challenge for you is to incorporate veggies in a meal this week intentionally that you wouldn't have before, and then tell me what you did!

Updating

Hi Friends!  

Just a quick update...

I am still loving WW.  I am still losing weight.  As a matter of fact I have lost 20.8 pounds in just 10 weeks!  I am very happy with my progress and I hope to continue it.  I just finished a 5k with some friends in under 45 minutes.  I know that time is crazy high, but I ran some, I walked some, and I finished.  I am proud of that.

Since I started WW, I have been blogging in two places.  Over here with the lovely Ber and then over at my own blog.  Lately, I have been having trouble keeping up with one blog let alone both blogs.  The boys are moving more, I am trying to move more, and life seems to be in full swing again over at the Davis household.

I am going to keep blogging.  I really enjoy it and it is a nice release after a long day of babies and hubby.   However, I have decided that it will be best for me to work on the blog over at Cupcakes To Cardio.  Amber and I started this journey together and we'll continue to grow and work together, I am sure of that.  Time is precious and we all are trying to figure out how to divide it up so that we are happy, healthy, and stress free (well, stress less).  

Thank you all for your support and kind words.  If you want to continue to read about my journey, please feel free to follow me.   Ber will be making guest posts for sure!

Much love ~ Coley Loree 

Lunch break check in ~ Weigh in day ~

I realize now that I didn't update here with my health stuff.  Long story short, I ended up in the ER on Thursday last week with symptoms potentially indicating some pretty bad stuff.  I left the ER early Friday morning with a diagnosis of a migraine, and I'll be exploring other options with my physician after she has an opportunity to review the reports from the CT and MRI I had while in the ER.

This morning was weigh in day.  I had a few bags of fluid in the ER the other night, and my sneak peeks at the scale didn't look very promising.  I was up a few pounds for most of the past few days, which was discouraging. In my brain, I knew that this was beyond my control, but in that hopeful part that just wants to succeed, I was pretty bummed.  Regardless, I knew that if I at least stayed the same this week, I'd be okay with myself, and I'd just have to suck it up if I was a little higher than last week.

I called the hubby in to witness my weigh in, and he covered the display so I couldn't see it.  He asked what I was last week, and I almost panicked, but then he showed me.  I was 184 even.  As of today, I have lost 18 pounds since January 1.  This is the last weigh in for Feb, and while it would've been nice to be at an even 20, I'm not complaining!  I have less than 20 pounds to go to reach my goal weight of 165.

I mentioned the loss that my doctor told me about - those 35 lbs.  I went back in this blog to when Coley and I first started writing together and exploring a healthier lifestyle.  October 22, 2010, I posted some "NOW" pictures.  Not before pictures, but where I was at that time.  I also got the hubby to take some pictures this morning so you can see my current "NOW" pictures.  I'm wearing some slacks I bought during my weight loss journey in AL.  I had ordered them online and never got to wear them because they were too snug.  I'm 5 lbs heavier than my lowest weight there, but they fit like a dream!

and how fabulous is my fringe necklace from Charming Charlie?!  Love it!