Sunday, February 5, 2012

Where's Amber?

I missed my Tuesday weigh in day, so let's start with that:  I was down 2.5 lbs and am at 191!  Yay!  That gave me an 11 pound weight loss for the month of January.  On the right track, moving forward, and keeping one foot in front of the other on my journey.

Then one of my feet hit a pothole.  I've had so much stress in my world lately.  Not all of it is bad, but balance is hard to find right now.  (For my high school friends, I totally just had a Coach Stank "homeostasis" flashback.)  Stress moving into a new position at work for a little while.  Stress trying to find a clue about time management.  Stress with issues at school/on the bus with my kids.  Stress rolling off my husband with things going on at work.

Tuesday morning, I weighed in.  I was so excited to see my loss!  I went to WalMart because we needed dog food.  I dashed into the grocery store and saw one of my fellow WW girls, and commented on her healthy veggie choices in her cart.  I snagged the produce items of my choice, and moved on to see what I wanted in the meat section.  As I walked by the frozen seafood section, I saw the Margaritaville Coconut Shrimp was on sale.  Dangit.  I kept walking, though I hesitated for a moment.

As I continued through the grocery store, the temptation was harder.  I was actually speaking out loud to myself as I saw the Ben & Jerry's on sale.  "Come on, Amber.  You're working so hard.  Just keep walking."  I did.  I did keep walking.  Right to the discounted Yesterday's Bakery Items and a box of Danishes that were marked down.  Then right back to the freaking coconut shrimp.  I did stand there and plug the points into my WW app on my phone, though.

I went home and ate the shrimp.  No, not a serving.  The whole 2.5 serving box.  Before the day was through, I also ate 2 cheese Danishes.  (6 points+/serving of shrimp and 7 points+/Danish)  Yeahhh.  My stress got the best of me.  I wasn't physically feeling well, and I was starting to feel the stress getting to me.  I did not start the day intending to lose my mind at the grocery store.  No one does.

Wednesday, I actually left my house looking like this:
I am a girl who generally only will leave home with mascara.  You can see in my eyes that I don't feel well.  Emotionally, I matched my physical BLAH.  

Thursday I got up, got made up, plucked my caterpillar eyebrows, and looked forward to my date with Coley.  I had a good day at work -a productive day.  We went shopping because I needed some new makeup and wanted to reward myself. 

Friday I had another productive day at work, and Friday evening I walked (in 34º weather) with a friend to Coley's house for a WW support meeting.  By the end of the night I was physically hurting, but we had some fantastic snacks (we'll share recipes and deets later).  I even walked home, though it would've been so easy to ask for a ride.

By Saturday, I was tired of feeling funky.  Tired of being stressed.  Tired of being tired.  SO tired of hurting!  I decided we needed a family outing to one of our favorite hiking places.  We beach combed ad found some great pieces of sea glass.  We stopped at the observation point on the trail and had a snack, and I was serenaded by my younger son.  His song was "Who Would I be Without You?" and included a dramatic extended arm for me to join him on his "stage."  Yeah.  He's got a flair for the dramatic, and loves to make up songs.  

I had been sneaking peeks at the scale, and those pounds I'd lost had crept back and weren't budging.  (193?  REALLY?!)  Ugh.  But on Saturday, I let that go and just embraced life.  I remembered who I am and what my journey is all about.  I took this picture on the beach yesterday:
I didn't have a face full of makeup, but I don't even look like the same person from Tues/Wed of this week.

Here are the things I learned this week:
1) I make choices each day.  The choices in one day do not determine the choices I will make the next day.  It reminds me of my favorite scripture in Matthew: 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. "  I can say the same thing about my choices.  Each day brings new challenges and new choices.

2) I cannot give up on myself.  I did not give up on myself.  In the midst of the bad days, I didn't lose hope.  That is HUGE, because in the past those days have been my downfall.  So bravo to me on that one!

3) Just changing my outlook will open my life to good things.  I know that sounds cosmic and whatever, but as I was lying in bed yesterday afternoon, after having a day exponentially better than the ones before, I got a Face Time call from two of my favorite people on the planet.  We laughed and talked and laughed and laughed.  I had FB messages from people I hadn't spoken to in months and some years.  They all made me feel better.  I felt needed.  I felt loved.  

So what's the moral of the story?  Stress will eat you alive, but you can't give it that much power.  You never realize how powerful you are until you look stress - FEAR - in the face and tell it to shove off.  I am not well; I am running fever this morning and dealing with a fibromyalgia flare up.  I am not defeated, though.  If I make each day the best it can be within my power, the rest will be taken care of by a Higher Power.  

God's got my back and a plan for me.  He is in control, and all these stressors are lessons.  They are opportunities.  On the days I struggle, He has friends to embrace and encourage me.

I am one blessed girl - no matter what the scale says.


Jennifer Bassett said...

This post speaks volumes to me on a number of levels. You are amazing Amber. Truly amazing. Keep remembering how great you are!

Milli' said...

I love you! It's so awesome to see you stare stress in the face and kick it to the curb. I miss you so much!